Home Again

There is no place like home...home should be a place of safety and comfort...a place where you can totally be yourself and know you are still loved despite your flaws. Home is more than just a place we live, but it is the place we feel loved. Home may mean different things to different people. Take a minute to stop and think about when you feel most at home, most comfortable and most free to be yourself.

I feel most at home among close friends!

Like a good, good Father...God is calling YOU home. He is drawing you back to himself with tender-love and kindness. It is his kindness that leads us to repentance. I think of the prodigal son who took his portion of inheritance and ran off far away from home. He rebelled and chose to waste his money in wild living. Eventually, he came to the end of himself when all was said and done. He ran out of resources and he ran out of love. Those temporary pleasures ended up leaving him high and dry. He was starving and tired. More than anything, he was hungry for love....eternal love. 

Luke 15:20

"So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a

 long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with

 love and compassion, he ran to his son,

 embraced him and kissed him" 

I love this part of the story. Eventhough his son was far away from home, he never stopped hoping for his return. He was there waiting with open arms, ready to embrace his son and bring him home again. It is easy to feel like we have done too much wrong that it could never be made right...that maybe in some way shap or form we are simply a lost cause. Some reading this may feel like they are too far from home...too far from God...maybe you once had a relationship with Him but have walked away from your faith. It is not too late and you are not too far from home. Like the father of the prodigal son, our God is a good Father waiting for our return every time we stray.

and family...sister-sister!

Hosea 11:8

"Oh, how can I give you up Israel? 

How can I let you go? How can I destroy you like

 Admah or demolish you like Zebolim? 

My heart is torn within me, 

my compassion overflows" 

The heart of God for every one of us is a heart of compassion that overflows. Before I developed a true, intimate relationship with the Lord, I saw him to be some distant, far off judge who was ready to come down on me anytime I messed up. I learned over time that God doesn't always approve of my decisons, but he always approves of me and who I am in Him. As I read through Hosea 11, it was like reading a story of my own life - like  Israel, I was doing my own thing and living my own ways. I was far from home. But God did not give up on me, and He will not give up on you either. We all have some messy parts in ourselves that need some TLC. You are loved and God is calling you home!

Hosea 11:11

"Like a flock of birds, they will come from Egypt.

Trembling like doves they will return from Assyria.

And I will bring them home again"

Xoxo,

Beth

and more friends!

Designed For Love

A couple of weeks ago I was listening to a podcast by a man who was sharing a specific conflict that took place in his marriage. He was talking about the ways both he and his wive give love and recieve love. If you have never heard of the 5 love languages, check it out here! One of the challenges in their marriage was that although he deeply loved his wife, she did not feel loved by him. He was not loving her based on the ways she recieved love, but instead, based on the ways he recieved love. The ways that we recieve love are typically the ways that we also give or express love.

Gary Chapman, the author and creator of the 5 love languages talksabout 5 main components based on how we recieve love: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time and Physical Touch

One of my favorite cuddle buddies!

When I took the quiz, my top two love languages were quality time and physcial touch. Anyone who truly knows me knows how accurate this is. I absolutely love spending quality time with others. It typically does not matter what we are doing, all that matters is that we are together. Nothing makes my heart more happy than quality time with people I love! My boyfriend often tells me that he loves how simple I am. I don't expect any fancy dates because I simply just enjoy spending time with him. This is also why I love long distance road trips with my friends (or long plane rides) - it is countless hours of pure quality time! I am also a very affectionate person who loves hugs, warm touches and hand holding. I have learned over time that not everyone appreciates this specific love language, so I have had to adjust accordingly. My friends and I will watch movies and legit just lay in bed or be huddled together in clusters on the couch.....and, I love every second of it! 

Scary movies & hudled on the couch!

We are all designed for love...to be loved and to give love, however this at times can get complicated. Have you ever taken a moment to really reflect on your expectations of those in your life? Sometimes we have what I like to call silent expectations. We unconciously expect our friends, family, spouse or significant other to respond or treat us a certain way and we base that persons love for us on our own expectation. I am learning that this is a dangerous and silent relationship and friendship killer. This is why it is vital to know the people in your circle. Misplaced expectations are a call for disaster. 

Hugs are my fave!

Let's look at some examples.....

I have a friend who's love language is not physical touch, so I do not expect her to always give me a hug when I see her or comfort me if I am upset, but this does not measure her love for me. We tend to measure peoples love for us based on our own expecations of them. Since I am someone who typically recieves love with affection and physical touch, it could be easy for me to feel like, "maybe she just doesn't love me", however this is not the case. She shows love in different ways. I was visibly upset one evening and she reached out to check on me to make sure I was ok. 

and another....

Over the summer I went to a cookout at friends house and one of my close friends who I hadn't seen in probably 3 weeks was there (which for someone who loves quality time can feel like a decade) and I was excited to see her.  I had just come back from an intense family vacation where all hell had broke loose (sorry if you are reading this fam, next time we will just get hotel rooms). When she showed up, I had expected her (key words) to be super excited to see me and give me a hug because she knew how terrible the family vacation was, but it was so hot out and she was not dishing out hugs nor did she seem noticiably excited to see me. I was so disappointed and felt hurt. Mind you, quality time is not one of her top love languages. So to her, 3 weeks is no big deal but for someone whose love language is quality time....that can feel like 3 whole months! To her, it may have been just another cookout since we have them often, but to me it was a time to be refreshed with family and friends. I quickly internalized this to mean that my friend didn't love me, which obviously I knew wasn't true, but in the moment that's how it felt. 

Quality time with some friends!

I eventually had to take a step back from my emotions and really look at the big picture. Once I did this and asked myself, "well Beth, why are you actually disappointed and hurt?", I realized that she did not do anything wrong. She did not dissapoint me or her hurt me. My expectations dissapointed me and hurt me. I was measuring my friends love for me based on my uncommunicated expecations of her. How unfair is that? But how often do we do this in our friendships, relationships and marriages? And we walk around hurting and feeling unloved. This is why it is important to know the people in your life...family, friends, spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends. 

Now, it is not bad to have certain expecations for the people in our lives. I am not suggesting we let others just treat us any old kinda way, but it is important that our expecations are realistic. We could save ourselves a lot of unnessary heart ache simply by making sure our expectations aren't unrealistic. Like I said in my previous blog, unfailing love, the people in our lives will not and cannot  love us perfectly. God has designed us for love, but only His love is unfailing. Only His love is perfect.

1 John 4:18

"Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. 

If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this 

shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.

Love languages!

If you are up for the challenge, join me in taking inventory of the expectations you have placed on the people in your life. Get to really know the people in your circle. Take the love language test with your boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, friend group, family, whomever. (The link is all the way at the top!) Share your results and be open and honest in your communication. Assess where you may need to lower some expectations!

Xoxo,

Beth

Unfailing Love

"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.  It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.  Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

 (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

We often hear this passage of scripture recited at marriage ceremonies, but how often do we follow through? Love is an exciting thing, but at times can feel scary. In growing close to another person, we have to learn to be vulnerable and transparent. Love requires sacrifice. Sometimes that sacrifice includes biting our toungue, laying down our pride and selfish ways, seeking forgiveness and practicing forgiveness, etc. We live in a world that has perverted the concept of love and what it means to truly be loved and cared for. Love is not a one night stand. Love is not physical and emotional abuse. Love is not control and manipulation.

25th birthday with bae!

As humans, who are terribly flawed, our love often fails one another. We dissapoint each other and let one another down. Although many of us have a genuine desire to love others and be loved, we will never love others perfectly. If you are reading this and you know me, you know that I literally love my friends. They are some of the closest people to me and I would do just about anything for them. I am loyal to them and there for them through the good and the bad. I am gnerous and typically kind, and so are they. We laugh together, pray together, cry together and share some of our most deep intimate secrets. Sounds pretty good, huh? But there are still times where they dissapoint me and I dissapoint them. They cannot love me perfectly and I cannot love them perfectly. At times, we get irritable with one another. Recently, I had a conversation with a couple of close friends about how none of us will be a perfect friend to one another, but we are committed to these friendships and committed to working through difficult times that come up. And trust me, they will come.

My Soul Sisters

Psalm 33:22

"Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord,

for our hope is in you alone"

Our parents cannot love us perfectly. Our friends cannot love us perfectly. Our boyfriend or girlfriend cannot love us perfectly. Our spouses cannot love us perfectly. This does not excuse hurtful or painful times in our lives when we feel disapointed by people. It is okay to feel that hurt and it is okay to communicate how we feel and work through those difficult times. This simply is just a reminder that people will fail and dissapoint us.  I am learning that my hope must be in Christ alone, no matter how much I love the people in my life. If I place my hope in them and then they fail me, then what? Does my whole world crumble? No, I am learning to make allowance for the faults of others in my life. To expect them to love me perfectly is expecting them to play the role of God in my life. My friends are amazing friends, but they do make terrible gods. 

Tasha's Mexican Fiesta (Coba Ruins)

Colossians 3:13

 "Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others."

The only perfect friend any of us could ever have with a love that will never, ever fail us is that of Jesus. His love is perfect and casts out all fear. His love is unfailing. He is always patient with us, even when we are not patient with ourselves and others. He is always kind to us, even when we aren't kind to ourselves and others. He never gives up on us, even when we give up on ourselves and others. 

Xo,
Beth

Life Melodies

Things aren't always clear when they happen, and we, as humans often don't understand the bigger picture of life. We don't always see clearly and can't always grasp why things happen the ways in which they do.  So often, I want to see the big picture. I want to see the entire puzzle of my life put together, but how quickly I am reminded that the Lord only shows me one piece at a time. He is piecing together the puzzle of my life...one piece at a time. He see's the bigger picture, the puzzle in it's entirety, but calls me (and you) to trust that He knows what He is doing.  

He knows which piece will fit where.

John 13:7 (NLT)

"Jesus replied, 'you don't understand now 

what I am doing, but someday you will"

There are so many times in my life I have cried out to God saying, "Lord, I just don't understand. I don't understand my life. I don't undestand where I am going. I don't understand why you would have even chosen me. I just don't get it, God. I don't get why bad things happen. I don't understand why I have to go through what I've gone through"......now, if any of this sounds familiar...now you know you're not alone. Sometimes life just does not make sense. One thing I have learned in my walk with the Lord is that God strategically orchestrates my life. 

Orchestrate (v): to compose or arrange,

 to arrange by means of clever or thorough planning

God orchestrates the melodies of our lives. He composes our life tune - we may not understand the notes along the way, but He arranges it into a beautiful song; a melody that tells a story. My melody tells a story of a broken girl being made whole, a story of a girl who desired love and acceptance desparately searching for it in all the wrong places, a story of a girl who is on a journey of discovering her worth and value. No, I have not reached perfection, but I strive to let go of what lies behind (Philippians 3:13) so I can press forward to what lies ahead. I have learned that it is hard to move forward while I am still holding onto my past.

My sweet sister-friend!

We won't understand our live puzzle as it is pieced together. We won't understand our life melody as it is being composed. I am learning to come to a place of accepting this. I am learning to accept that I won't always understand. I won't always be in control. I may not know every single detail of my life before it happens, but my trust is in the One who does. My hope and my confidence is in Christ. He knows every single day of my life, from beginning to end, before it even happens. He knows every moment of success, every moment of failure, every moment of joy, every moment of sadness. He knows. He sees. He cares. He understands. 

Psalm 139:16 (NLT)

"You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was

recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out

before a single day had passed."

So, if you don't understand fully what is happening in your life...you are in good company. You are not alone. One day we will look back and see the pieces coming together. We will see God orchestrating our life melody, working together all things for our good.

Xoxo,

Beth

Saving Faith

My type A, organized, rule oriented readers will understand....that uneasy, guilty feeling you get when you feel like you're breaking a rule...being type A is both a blessing and a curse. Rules are good, and they are meant to be followed...well, most are anyway. Rules are typically put in place for safety purposes....as a teacher, the children in my classroom have rules that must be followed in order to stay safe. The ones who can reach the faucet knobs at the sink know they have to wait for a teacher to help them so they don't accidentally burn their hands. They know that chairs are for sitting and not standing. They know not to dive head first over our classroom balance beam. They know that when leaving the classroom teachers always go first and lead the line safely down the hallway. These rules help keep them safe so that I can send them home at the end of the day in one piece.

My kiddos painted with their feet at school!
(It was secretly a disaster though...)

Philippians 3:9

"I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather I become righteous through faith in Christ. 
For Gods way of making us right with Him depends on faith"

When it comes to Kingdom rules, we have to recognize that the Lord gives us boundaries (rules) to keep us safe. A boundary is a line that marks the limit of an area; a dividing line. Although these rules are good and set in place for our good, in and of themselves they cannot save us and that is where faith comes in....the saving faith of believing in Jesus and relying on Him for our eternal safety....our salvation....it is not by following a long list of rules...do this...don't do that...as Paul reminds us in Philippians to rely on what Christ has done for us and to put no confidence in human effort. We can try all day long to measure up...to be a "good" Christian and still find that we fall short...that in essence, we will never be good enough to save ourselves and that working our heads off to please God won't actually please Him...it's our FAITH that pleases God, not just merely our works. Now don't get me wrong or twist what I am saying, God has called us to good works and created us to do them, however, they cannot be a substitute for saving faith. 

Plus, rules should not hinder the advancement of Gods kingdom. 
I remember dealing with a specific situation a while back and the Lord spoke to me saying, 

"If you're too rule oriented, 
you can't be Christ oriented"

I was absolutely floored...because for a type A, rules are RULES and there is no bending them. Not now. Not tomorrow. Not ever. Rules are rules! But sometimes, we as believers also have to question whose rules we are following....Gods rules? or man made rules created by the church to keep our christian faith in a neat little box? We are not called to be cookie cutter Christians, we are called to stand out...to let our light shine OUT OF darkness. So, if you're feeling weighed down and burdened by a long list of rules and standards you can't measure up to....you're not alone. 

Matthew 11:28
"Then Jesus said, "Come to me all of you who are weary
 and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest"

And then....I think about the religious rules that Jesus himself broke. Eating with all the wrong people He was. Healing on the Sabbath. Touching the Lepers. Talking to women. (Men were not supposed to talk to women they didn't know back in Jesus' day)....but Jesus did not allow that social rule keep Him from engaging and talking to women who needed to know what true, unconditional love really was...like the woman at the well who was sleeping around with multiple men...Jesus spoke with her, engaged her in truthful, loving conversation. He did not shun her or push her away because of some crazy rules....instead, He met her in her mess right where she was at and offered her a drink from His well...the well of His love and grace.

So, cheers to saving faith! 

Xoxo,
Beth

All Things New

Our pasts are a very powerful portion of our lives...they can either make us or break us. It's easy to get caught up in our past allowing it to identify us and shame us....if we dwell on it too long it can keep us from moving forward and pursing the life that God ultimately created for us to live. Yes, God created you to live a life of abundance...actually, His generalized purpose for your life and my life is to give us a "rich and satisfying life" (John 10:10). 

Isaiah 43:18 NASB
"Do not call to mind the former things
or ponder the things of the past"

Photo shoot at Choo-choo's baby shower!

The world has conditioned us to view and experience God as the opposite of who He really is. Unfortunately, many of us have been taught somewhere along the line that God isn't a loving God, a kind God or a compassionate God. We see Him as a Judge constantly looking down on us from afar...with a gavel in His hand ready to condemn us because we have sinned and missed the mark. (If you've read this far already and want to close out...please don't...let's explore this together!) The crazy thing is that what's listed above in regards to how many view God...is the complete opposite of who He really is. I speak from experience in my own personal life...if Jesus wasn't real I would have quit on Him a long, long time ago. I have had to learn that God actually does love me, that He cares for me like any good parent...and for those of us who have had parents that seemed to maybe not care so much, it can be easy for us to see God in that same light.

Often times, we allow our past and things we have done or things that have been done to us keep us in a place of bondage. We feel stuck...some may even feel paralyzed. I remember a season of my life where my past gripped me with such fear and anxiety to the point I honestly wasn't sure I was going to make it...was there ever going to be a light at the end of the tunnel? How long was this going to last? I cried more in that season of life than I have probably cried in my life time....but I am now on the other side and have seen the light.

Being on the other side doesn't make life a walk in the park...what actually inspired me to write this blog post was because recently, my past actually began to come back and haunt me...again. I have learned that the enemy, who prowls around like a lion, is always looking for an opportunity to come in to kill, steal and destroy...and our pasts are usually one of his most powerful "weapons of mass destruction" My mind began to race and fear quickly began to cause my heart to sink. Thankfully, as I was cleaning my kitchen, the Lord gently began to remind me that my past does not dictate my future....that because of Jesus I am really and unquestionably free...He reminded me not to dwell on the past and neither consider the things of old...to not meditate and focus on my past because I am now a NEW creation in Christ...the old is gone and the NEW has come...I am not who I used to be.

Revelation 21: 4-5
"He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death
or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”
And the one sitting on the throne said,
'Look, I am making everything new!'"

God truly has a way of making ALL things NEW. He cares about every little detail of our life. The things that concern us, the things that weigh us down along with the things that excite us and motivate us. He is not far off...somewhere in the sky. He is near...He is close to those who are brokenhearted...just because we can't always "feel" God, doesn't mean He isn't there. He is there. He knows us better than we know ourselves. 

Xoxo,
Beth

Adopted

One day (Lord willing...), I would love to adopt a child and raise them as my own...giving them a second chance at life....I would love to be a foster parent but don't know if I could deal with the emotions that come with letting go when I would have to...those that know me can tell you that I get emotionally invested in all of my relationships and friendships...

Choo-Choo's baby shower!  

Adoption is so special...it literally means that you are choosing another human being to belong to you....you take them in as your very own child....you raise them, love them, nurture them, teach them, feed them, clothe them, etc.

We live in a world that is so quick to reject us when we don't fit into the mold of society because we aren't pretty enough, skinny enough, rich enough or whatever else enough. We live in a world that's caught up in the glitz and glamour of perfection....because after all, "practice makes perfect..." right? Sometimes we even reject ourselves....we secretly battle with this inner sense of guilt and self-rejection for not measuring up to the standards society has set for us....or even the standards we have set for ourselves. We fall short according to society and fall into a vicious cycle of internally and mentally beating ourselves up...digging ourselves deep into a pit of self-hatred and condemnation.

Some of my close friends!

One thing I can say that I'm thankful for is the opportunity to grow in finding my identity in the Lord rather in this world. I may not be where I want to be, but I'm certainly not where I used to be. Some of things that used to break me are now some of the very things that help make me. They make me stronger and so grateful. I used to be an incredibly jealous person...I would be insecure if people did anything without me and would be sick to my stomach over it wondering if they really liked me or not...but  jealousy no longer consumes me, it no longer weighs me down....my contentment has been found in Jesus and He has placed some of the most amazing people in my life. He has proven Himself to be faithful even when the going gets tough....even when I fall short and don't deserve His grace, yet He freely gives it.

Don't be fooled by my highlight reel

 I may not measure up to what society expects of me, but God has adopted me as His own...chosen me...and is raising me. I belong to HIM....not this world or the things in this world. I'm thankful that this opportunity is made available to each and every single person here on this earth. If you have a pulse, you have a purpose....so don't quit...don't quit on yourself. This world needs YOU. I need you. We need each other.

XOXO
Beth

A Key Ingredient

Have you ever screwed up a baking recipe and either missed an ingredient or totally measured incorrectly? I recall attempting to make brownies one night when I was younger and accidentally measured an ingredient wrong. They were so gross that I ended up throwing them away.

 Key Ingredient: Love

One of the key components to baking a delicious treat is balance...and that doesn't necessarily mean equal! Betty Crocker knows just what balance of ingredients that call for a delicious double-fudge brownie treat...typically the recipe is the box of brownie mix, 1/4 cup of water, 1/4 cup vegetable oil and one egg.

I find that when it comes to life, we could all use a lesson from Betty Crocker. We need to learn how to effectively measure out the right ingredients that will help create a fulfilling, edifying life. We need to measure out love, kindness, grace, discipline, correction and so many other ingredients.

Key Ingredient: Laughter

My hearts desire is to be a key ingredient in the life of someone else. I want to help add flavor the life of another individual, whatever that may look like for them in a given moment. It's important that we all take some time to reflect on how we have been a key ingredient to someone or how we can begin to implement that in our daily lives.

A smile to a mother in the grocery store who is embarrassed by her little toddler ripping things off of the shelf. Helping out a friend who may be in need. Praying for those who are in need. Sharing a word of encouragement with the person who feels like they just can't measure up. Paying for the persons coffee in the drive through behind you. Letting someone know that maybe they could use some help in a specific area. Telling the girl you pass by at the gym who obsessively works out that she is beautiful. All key ingredients.

Key Ingredient: Family

Now, if you're reading this and consider yourself to be a Believer, I encourage you to pray and ask the Lord to show you how to be a key ingredient in someone else's life. 

Let your light shine!

"In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in Heaven" (Matthew 5:16)

Xoxo,

Beth

  

Key Ingredient: Friends

Fixer Upper

One of my favorite HGTV shows to watch is Fixer Upper. I love watching the process of the original house being gutted from the inside out and eventually being renovated into a beautiful, brand new home. It is a long and tiring process, but one that is so worth it in the end. 

Before: Getting Gutted

Last weekend, I was watching an unusual episode. Most times, the house the couple is renovating is already completely cleared out by whoever was living there before. However, this time, there were old things everywhere...clothes, furniture, cobwebs, etc. I felt like I could relate to that house...there are some OLD things in me that have to be gutted....there are some things in me that simply have to go...

My old ways of thinking about myself...

have to go.

My old ways of thinking about others...

have to go.

 My old ways of popping an attitude...

have to go.

 My old ways of talking...

have to go.

They all HAVE to go. 

They all have to go so that they can be replaced with something new. Right now, I am in the process of cleaning out my closet. I have clothes that I don't wear, simply taking up space, and I probably would not be able to fit anything new in there. We need to create space within ourselves to welcome change...to welcome new ways of thinking and new ways of living...whatever that may look like for you.

After: completely renovated

Please take some time to reflect on who you are as a person. No one is perfect, and we all have areas we could use some change in. What in your heart and mind needs to be gutted? What needs to go so something better can replace it?

For transparency sake, I am currently working on some old, bad habits that formed in my 8 year battle with an eating disorder. It's part of my story, part of my testimony and is still a test I'm working through. Although I have an overall healthy, balanced diet, there are some residual effects that have to be dealt with....one being obsessive body checking in the mirror because one of my fears is gaining weight.

Through this process of change, it's also so important to get friends in your corner who can encourage change. As I'm sitting here writing, I can remember one of my closest friends, Keri, telling me to stop looking in the mirror. One day at work she caught me in the bathroom looking in the mirror and said, "what are you doing?" She knows me. She knows my past and basically all of my business, and in this way has helped encourage change in my life. At that point, this was probably a year or so ago, I didn't see a need for change, but now I am in a place where I am actually seeking change and professional help. So go find yourself some good friends who can help you in your process! Others see things in us that we may not see in ourselves, both the good and the bad. Iron sharpens iron.

Celebrating Keri's 30th!

Cheers to renovation,

Beth 

The Process

Almost everything we go through in life is a process, and it's sticking with the process that can be one of the most difficult and challenging things we face. At some point throughout the process, it's easy to feel like you want to give up...that it's just not worth the fight anymore...your process will require your patience.

A sneak peak into my journal!

One of my favorite things to do is journal...i started journaling about 4 years ago and over that time span have built up quite the collection. My journal knows some of my deepest, most intimate thoughts, prayers and reflections...however, there are still some I hold quietly in my heart. It holds years worth of my process in becoming the person I am today, and will continue to hold the process of who I am to become. You see, our entire life is a process...almost everything in this world requires some form of process; giving birth, baking a cake, buying a house, going to school...etc.

One thing that comes to mind when I think of process is metamorphosis; the process of transformation. Every beautiful butterfly once started as a creepy crawly critter. What if in the middle of that process, wrapped up in it's warm cocoon the soon to be butterfly decided it was done and aborted the process? It wouldn't become the beautiful butterfly that radiates beauty. A process isn't started and finished overnight...it takes time. In the same way, a woman who is pregnant doesn't give birth after the night she conceives...it's a 9 month long process of growth and development before that baby will make its entrance safely into this world. And while we don't want to abort the process, we don't want to give birth before it's time either.

This morning during my prayer time and as I began to read through my old journal from over two years ago, I began to reflect on my own process. Lately, I have been so caught up on where I want to be that I have lost sight of how far I have come. My entire life has been built on this paradigm of perfection, a self approval coping mechanism that gave me some form of permission to find a little bit of worth, value and self-love. When I would do things right, everything was good...but when I got it wrong my entire world fell apart.

So, a little over four years ago I decided to enter into a relationship with Jesus....I gave my heart to Him....and He began to walk me through a process of healing...a process of deliverance, a process of freedom, a process of teaching me who I was in Him...and while it's been a beautiful process, it has also been a painful one. There are times where I have had to choose to trust God instead of people because HE knows the plans HE has for ME (Jer 29:11)....not my mama, not my uncle, not my best friends, not my sister...not even myself.  There are times where I have had to (and still have to) confront the issues of my past that I have brushed under the rug and left in the dark...I've had to allow the Lord to bring them to light so I can heal....a wound can't be healed if it's not treated. And of course, on the flip side...there's a peace and a joy that comes a soul satisfied in Him...a soul assured of its final destination when its time on this earth is up.

My journal collection!

So, if you want to abort your process....don't. If you want to give up your faith...don't. We will never arrive to a place of perfection while we are here on this earth...so let's keep going!

Love,

Beth

** Any questions, comments or prayer requests can be sent to notyouraveragechurchgirl@gmail.com **