Naked

Don't get it twisted...this won't be a blog post about nudity, but I am sure by now, I have probably caught your attention. When we think about being naked, many of us probably think about not wearing any clothes. Sure. But, when I think about being naked (emotionally), I also think about the vulnerability that comes along with being fully exposed. Deep down, most of us desire to be fully known. To be fully exposed while being accepted for who we are. This is the primary defintion of naked this blog will encompass. We will explore and prayerfully discover our own fig leaves - those things we do or say to cover up who we really are. Those masks we wear day in and day out.

My boyfriend...always holding me down!

Genesis 3:7

"At that moment, their eyes were opened,
 and they suddenly felt shame at their 
nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves 
together to cover themselves"

Many of us, myself included, have parts of us that we try to hide. Those parts we struggle to accept about ourselves that we think will be unacceptable to others, too. We try to fit into this cookie cutter mold of who society says we should be. We put ourselves in a box and stamp out the goodness and creativity God created us with. Maybe its a hobby we feel insecure about. Maybe it's a gift that the Lord has given us that we are fearful of walking in. Maybe it's a personality trait we try to mask so we won't be rejected. In some way, many, if not all of us, have our own fig leaves like Adam and Eve did in the garden. Not only did they sew fig leaves together to cover themselves after they felt exposed, but scripture reveals that they ran and hid from God.

My sweet, dear Carla! She's seen me at some
ofmy worst moments and
 some of my best :)

Sound familiar? It does to me. I have had many moments of falling short and wanting to run and hide from God. But each time, God gently reminds me who I am and draws me back to Him. He wants us to live a life where we can be fully naked around Him. To be fully exposed and let down our guards. He wants us to bring our hearts to Him...the good, the bad and the ugly. And not only does He ask us to be vulnerable with Him, but to be vulnerable with others. Of course, I always encourage people to use wisdom in whom they choose to share parts of themselves with, but when you find a few people you can trust it can be freeing. There is something scary about being vulnerable and giving others access to parts of our lives. What are they going to think? Will I be judged? Will they reject me and stop being my friend? This is probably a familiar narrative for many. 

James 5:16

"Confess your sins to each other and
pray for each other that you
 may be healed"

Liv and I in chi-town!

This past summer, a group of friends and I took a trip to Chicago for the legacy conference. During the trip, my friend (pictured above) and I took a walk throughout down-town chicago. We explored, bought some fancy popcorn and talked. And I mean, we talked. There were burdens on my heart and I decided to be vulnerbale. I deciced to expose these parts of my heart and it turned out to be that we had a lot more in common than we thought. I felt so refreshed after our conversation. It served as such a sweet reminder from the Lord that I wasn't alone and that He saw me...He saw her...He saw us. It was such a valuable moment that I immediately jotted it down in my journal. Our decision to be vulnerable and extend trust opened up the door for God to encourage us and speak to our hearts. Being vulnerable was worth the risk!

My girls...some of my best gals!

This past fall, my two bestfriends suprised me with a birthday trip to Atlanta. They had an entire weekend of fun and relaxation planned. On Saturday, we went to a Korean Sauna/Spa and stayed there for several hours. Upon arrival, we weren't quite sure what we were getting into. The spa was incredible. It was full of saunas, massage therapy, foot scrubs and even a sleeping room. It is open 24 hours a day. Then, there was a bathhouse section that we ended up calling, "the nude room". The bathhouse was full of jacuzzis, exfoliants, an intense steam room and an additional sauna. The only catch was....the bathhouse required you to be naked. They gave you these little towels that couldn't fully wrap around your body. We were completely exposed. At first, it felt a bit uncomfortable, but eventually I think we forgot we were naked. Anyways, I overheard a conversation two women were having. They were talking about how enouraging it felt to be in an environment full of women who were different weights, sizes and shapes. And how true that was. There was no judgement. It reminded me of the garden before the fall. Before sin entered the world. It reminded me of a time (biblically)  when Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed. Before they had to sew fig leaves together to cover up their shame. 

To be naked (emotionally) requires risk and vulnerability. Many people reading this may be thinking, "I have been hurt too many times to let down my guard." I get that and often face the same battle. Some folks at times have responded to me in a way that makes me feel like I could not share certain parts of my heart with them again. I know how hard it can be to be vulnerable, but it is worth the risk! My hope is that in this new year, we can learn to be vulnerable with God and with others. Cheers to 2019!

My cousins...my A1's !

Dealing and Healing

Healing can often be a long and painful process. Many of us, if not all of us, have been through some things that require us to heal in order to move forward. Have you ever felt stuck in the same space? or have found yourself going around in the same circle? Wondering, "how did I end up back here?" I am sure I am not the only one. Sometimes we think we have healed from things that we have actually learned to mask. I mean really...my neighbor texted me a few months back asking if we had duck tape...so, off I went to her house with my duck tape to find out that she was trying to use it to mask the hole in her sink. Well, needless to say, the tape can only last so long. Eventually, that tape will wear and tear and we will have the same exact problem...again. I should follow up with her to see how that tape worked out!

living my best life on the edge of the grand canyon!

It is easy to mask the things that we have been through...the hurt, the pain, the heartbreak, the disapointment, the rejection, the abuse, the abandonment, etc. A couple years ago, my life came to a screeching halt when I found myself going around the same circle that I thought I had worked through. As a believer, I had a conversation with the Lord, "but God, I thought we worked through this, I thought I was healed...good to go!" but the truth was, I had only learned to mask what I was battling. The tape I was using wore and tore, like a good ole' pair of ripped jeans. The truth is, we have to deal in order to heal. We have to deal with the pain. We have to deal with the hurt. One of my favorite country songs by Rascal Flatt's says, "let it hurt, let it be, let it take right down to your knees, let it burn to the worst degree, may not be what you want but it's what you need". We often don't let ourselves sit with the pain in order to deal with it. 

living our best life in chitown!

Recently, a close friend of mine and I were having a conversation around feelings of rejection. We discussed how certain things in life we may seek healing for from the Lord may just be a thorn in our flesh. Paul begged God three times to heal him, and He responded to Paul saying, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). Paul had a thorn in his flesh that kept him humbly dependent on God. Some things will just be thorns that we have to continuously work through and depend on Jesus for in those moments. We have to trust that Gods grace is truly sufficient, that His strength will be made perfect in our moments of weakness. What are your moments of weakness? We all have them!

living our best life on the vineyard!

Healing is also something that takes time. We live in a microwave, at your finger tips kind of society. We want everything to happen instantly, over night and many times we wish the healing of our hearts worked that way too. I am sure those who have suffered from a broken heart can attest to this. Just wishing, hoping and praying the pain away. I don't blame you. Healing often is a work in progress...we take a couple step forwards then one step back. I remember one day about four years ago feeling compelled to sit down and have a hard conversation with someone about something that had happened many years ago. I was nervous, but had the conversation and it turned out to be a moment that brought healing. I expressed how what had happened made me feel, but that I loved them and forgave them. Having that hard, uncomforable conversation and confessing how I felt was an important part of the healing process.

living our best life in JP lol and because
fall is both of our favorite seasons!

Healing can at times require hard work or it can require rest. When we break a bone and are in a cast, sometimes physical therapy is required and we have to put in the work to regain muscle strength. When we fall or get a cut, we have to clean out the wound and cover it so it doesn't get infected. When we catch a cold and get sick, we often need to slow down and rest. Just this past week I caught a pretty bad cough. Instead of resting, I attempted to push through...so I went to the gym. I ended up overworking my body and getting a fever.  Healing hurts. I have learned that is an experience of pulling back different layers and confronting what needs to be dealt with instead of supressing it. Healing takes form in many ways...through therapy, medication, working through difficulties, confessing our sins, moments of faith. It is a journey worth traveling. So next time you're feeling overwhelmed in the process, don't give up!

Xoxo,
Beth

Dare To Hope

There is most likely an awful time in each of our lives that we will never forget. As humans, we experience happiness and joy, pain and sorrow, laughter and tears. It is often during those painful times where we feel trapped in darkness, left with no hope. There are battles people are facing behind closed doors...family members, coworkers, friends, etc that we often may not know anything about. Vulnerability is hard. It can be hard to let people into difficult times with us, but it is so, so worth it. Recently, I felt compelled to share with a friend one of the battles that I face and it just so happened that she could relate. It was a relief to simply know that I wasn't alone in this fight; that someone else gets it and has walked in my shoes. And, if you have no battles to fight...then good for you, please pray for those of us who do ;)

On top of the world, so it felt 

Lamentations 3:20-23

“I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.”

Jeremiah speaks of a dark, dark time in his life. He was overwhelmed with sorrow and grief. His entire life felt like it was engulfed in darkness, yet he still dared to hope. He dared to hope in the Lord. For some time, I have watched a friend go through an incredibly difficult and dark time in her life. In the midst of this darkness I also watched her hope in the Lord and place her trust in Him. Like Jeremiah, she dared to hope. She dared to trust God despite her circumstance and her pain. She invited Him into these broken spaces and trusted in His faithful love. I have also had the opportunity to watch her experience the fruit of choosing to place her trust in the Lord. 

Bridal shower shenanigans

We all look to something for hope...but we have to ask if what we are placing our hope in is strong enough to carry and sustain us through dark and difficult times. Hope is an anchor for our souls and what we are placing our hope in has to be strong. Friends and family are great, but they are simply not strong enough to fill us and sustain us. I have walked with my friends through some trenches and they have walked with me, but none of us are strong enough to carry each other. We can be there for each other...listen, pray, cry, laugh, etc...but we cannot carry eachother. I have learned there is only One strong enough to carry me through the trenches of life. Jesus.

Even when it’s hard and I try to take matters into my own hands, I dare to hope in the One who holds my world. I remember a season of my life years ago where I could barely get out of bed in the morning. I was depressed and anxious a majority of the time, but hope remained the anchor of my soul. Hoping that one day, some how everything would be okay. And no, it didn’t happen overnight. It was a process of walking and sometimes fighting towards a place of freedom. Freedom from the things that so easily weighed me down. I dared to hope and dared to put my trust in God. Remembering Gods faithful love is enough to cause us to hope!

xoxo,

Beth

Gone skiing - winter 2018!

Reconstruction

Reconstruct:

 to construct again; rebuild; make over

Hiking to the top of Devils Bridge!

I was in the check out line waiting to pay for my groceries when I began to stare at the items placed on the belt. Reconstruct.... the word that came to mind as I stared at the almond milk I was about to purchase. I immediately began to ponder the last 5 months of nutrional therapy sessions and the knowlwdge my nutritionist was giving me to reconstruct my mind and thinking around food, calories and weight. She advised me to stay away from almond milk because it has basically no nutritional value and switch to a soy or dairy based milk that has higher calories, fat and protein. Our bodies need these things...nutrients, they call it.

Most of my life I have had an incredibly flawed and distorted view of food, calories and weight. I developed body image issues in the third grade and a few years later developed a full blown eating disorder. After twelve years and a relapse, I am just now realizing that reconstructing my thoughts and attitude around food is key in my healing and recovery process. I am realizing I have to deconstruct and dismantle the foundation this world has built for me and partner with God and close friends to reconstruct a new Christ centered foundation. I tried for years to reconstruct on my own, however...I failed miserably. It really wasn't until a sermon I heard at church titled, "Jesus, the transparent one" where I realized that I had to be fully transparent and intentionally allow others I trusted into this space with me. Don't reconstruct alone. 

A few in my reconstruction crew!

Romans 12:2

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world,

 but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will" 

The bible calls this idea of reconstruction the renewal of the mind. It takes hard work, time and intentional effort. I visited a friend not too long ago who had categories of scripture hung up on the wall in her room to help her in this very process of renewing her mind. Reconstruction is a theme that applies to each of us in all areas of our lives. If we don't reconstruct the way we think, we will find ourselves in the same broken cycles that keep us bound. 

As I continued to medidate and pray on this idea of reconstruction, I began to think about other things the Lord is trying to reconstruct in my life. One of those things is conflict (I hate it with a passion!) but as humans, it is inevitable. I am learning that conflict in my friendships and relationships can be healthy and properly worked through, even if it doesn't feel good. Relationships are too important and valuable to simply just throw away or give up on even if that seems to be the easy way out. It is easier to run and avoid than it is to sit down and work things out. So, I am learning to reconstruct specific areas of my life. 

Smores at Nakias bachelorette!

What about you? I encourage each of you reading this to reflect on what might need to be constructed in your own life. How can you take the steps to get there? What lies have you believed that need to be reconstructed with truth, knowledge and faith? 

Xo,

Beth

Wilted Faith

Wilt:

to become limp and drooping, as a fading flower; wither.

to lose strength, vigor, assurance, etc.: to wilt after a day's hard work.

In the world we live in, being tired is often an understatement. In so many of my conversations in asking others how they are, I often here “I am so tired” and the same typically goes for me when someone asks me how I am. Tired is often our answer. We live in such a fast paced world where our attention is pulled in so many different directions. As humans, we are involved in numerous relationships....marriage, kids, friends, co-workers, relatives, etc. It can often feel draining and tiring. We work, we serve, we take care of our families, connect with our friends and try to pencil in laundry, packing lunches, cooking dinner, cleaning up, etc. Balancing responsibilities in today’s world is exhausting.

My boyfriend came and spent thanksgiving with my family and I. He brought both my mama and I flowers (so sweet, thanks babe!) and the flowers lasted SO long. Weeks later and they were STILL standing. My parents and I were shocked, to say the least. One afternoon I walked into my room and noticed the flowers were finally wilting and I was confused....they had lasted so long! I picked up the vase and realized there was no water left....I had failed to give them fresh water.

Thanksgiving 2017

In that moment the Lord spoke to my heart and helped me to understand the spiritual state of many people....myself included at times. If we are honest, we have all been there. We have or have had wilted faith because our vases are empty. We are so distracted and pulled in so many different directions that we often neglect the very One who gives strength to our souls and hope to our hearts. 

John 4:13-14

Jesus replied, “Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.”

When we drink from the well of this world, we are left empty and dry. There is a God size hole in our hearts that only He can fill but so often we try to fill that hole with anything and anyone else. But, when we drink from the well of Life, our hunger and thirst is satisfied. For example, the woman at the well....Jesus came to her already knowing her story. She was sleeping around with many different men searching and hoping for love...trying to quench the thirst of her soul. You see, we all have a desire to be loved and accepted....we are designed for love. With arms wide open, Jesus offered her a drink from the well of Life...a cup of Love....from His heart to Hers. 

The flowers that lasted for almost...ever!

Many often have a perception that God is only judging them for their sin....failing to recognize He is a gracious God also longing to forgive our sin. Instead of judging the woman sleeping around, He met her in the space she was in and offered her something more satisfying. Living water for her soul...to cure her wilted faith. He offered her Himself.

John 3: 17

“God sent his Son into the world not to judge 

the world, but to save the world through him.”

So, maybe you’ve got a case of wilted faith. Maybe you feel like your in a place where you have no faith at all. Hang in there and cling to the Lord, friend. Sit at His feet and pour your heart out. This morning as I poured my heart out to the Lord, I was venting to Him and saying “Lord, I’m just SO angry! I just can’t believe....” and then I studied some scripture on anger. Thankfully those moments with the Lord gave me the grace to maneuver throughout the rest of my day. It is this Living water that strengthens our souls and fills our hearts with hope.

If I am struggling in a certain area, one thing I like to do is look up scripture on that particular topic or read different books/chapters related to that topic. It renews my mind and refreshes my soul.

Cheers to 2018 and living for Jesus!

Xoxo

Beth

Home Again

There is no place like home...home should be a place of safety and comfort...a place where you can totally be yourself and know you are still loved despite your flaws. Home is more than just a place we live, but it is the place we feel loved. Home may mean different things to different people. Take a minute to stop and think about when you feel most at home, most comfortable and most free to be yourself.

I feel most at home among close friends!

Like a good, good Father...God is calling YOU home. He is drawing you back to himself with tender-love and kindness. It is his kindness that leads us to repentance. I think of the prodigal son who took his portion of inheritance and ran off far away from home. He rebelled and chose to waste his money in wild living. Eventually, he came to the end of himself when all was said and done. He ran out of resources and he ran out of love. Those temporary pleasures ended up leaving him high and dry. He was starving and tired. More than anything, he was hungry for love....eternal love. 

Luke 15:20

"So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a

 long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with

 love and compassion, he ran to his son,

 embraced him and kissed him" 

I love this part of the story. Eventhough his son was far away from home, he never stopped hoping for his return. He was there waiting with open arms, ready to embrace his son and bring him home again. It is easy to feel like we have done too much wrong that it could never be made right...that maybe in some way shap or form we are simply a lost cause. Some reading this may feel like they are too far from home...too far from God...maybe you once had a relationship with Him but have walked away from your faith. It is not too late and you are not too far from home. Like the father of the prodigal son, our God is a good Father waiting for our return every time we stray.

and family...sister-sister!

Hosea 11:8

"Oh, how can I give you up Israel? 

How can I let you go? How can I destroy you like

 Admah or demolish you like Zebolim? 

My heart is torn within me, 

my compassion overflows" 

The heart of God for every one of us is a heart of compassion that overflows. Before I developed a true, intimate relationship with the Lord, I saw him to be some distant, far off judge who was ready to come down on me anytime I messed up. I learned over time that God doesn't always approve of my decisons, but he always approves of me and who I am in Him. As I read through Hosea 11, it was like reading a story of my own life - like  Israel, I was doing my own thing and living my own ways. I was far from home. But God did not give up on me, and He will not give up on you either. We all have some messy parts in ourselves that need some TLC. You are loved and God is calling you home!

Hosea 11:11

"Like a flock of birds, they will come from Egypt.

Trembling like doves they will return from Assyria.

And I will bring them home again"

Xoxo,

Beth

and more friends!

Designed For Love

A couple of weeks ago I was listening to a podcast by a man who was sharing a specific conflict that took place in his marriage. He was talking about the ways both he and his wive give love and recieve love. If you have never heard of the 5 love languages, check it out here! One of the challenges in their marriage was that although he deeply loved his wife, she did not feel loved by him. He was not loving her based on the ways she recieved love, but instead, based on the ways he recieved love. The ways that we recieve love are typically the ways that we also give or express love.

Gary Chapman, the author and creator of the 5 love languages talksabout 5 main components based on how we recieve love: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time and Physical Touch

One of my favorite cuddle buddies!

When I took the quiz, my top two love languages were quality time and physcial touch. Anyone who truly knows me knows how accurate this is. I absolutely love spending quality time with others. It typically does not matter what we are doing, all that matters is that we are together. Nothing makes my heart more happy than quality time with people I love! My boyfriend often tells me that he loves how simple I am. I don't expect any fancy dates because I simply just enjoy spending time with him. This is also why I love long distance road trips with my friends (or long plane rides) - it is countless hours of pure quality time! I am also a very affectionate person who loves hugs, warm touches and hand holding. I have learned over time that not everyone appreciates this specific love language, so I have had to adjust accordingly. My friends and I will watch movies and legit just lay in bed or be huddled together in clusters on the couch.....and, I love every second of it! 

Scary movies & hudled on the couch!

We are all designed for love...to be loved and to give love, however this at times can get complicated. Have you ever taken a moment to really reflect on your expectations of those in your life? Sometimes we have what I like to call silent expectations. We unconciously expect our friends, family, spouse or significant other to respond or treat us a certain way and we base that persons love for us on our own expectation. I am learning that this is a dangerous and silent relationship and friendship killer. This is why it is vital to know the people in your circle. Misplaced expectations are a call for disaster. 

Hugs are my fave!

Let's look at some examples.....

I have a friend who's love language is not physical touch, so I do not expect her to always give me a hug when I see her or comfort me if I am upset, but this does not measure her love for me. We tend to measure peoples love for us based on our own expecations of them. Since I am someone who typically recieves love with affection and physical touch, it could be easy for me to feel like, "maybe she just doesn't love me", however this is not the case. She shows love in different ways. I was visibly upset one evening and she reached out to check on me to make sure I was ok. 

and another....

Over the summer I went to a cookout at friends house and one of my close friends who I hadn't seen in probably 3 weeks was there (which for someone who loves quality time can feel like a decade) and I was excited to see her.  I had just come back from an intense family vacation where all hell had broke loose (sorry if you are reading this fam, next time we will just get hotel rooms). When she showed up, I had expected her (key words) to be super excited to see me and give me a hug because she knew how terrible the family vacation was, but it was so hot out and she was not dishing out hugs nor did she seem noticiably excited to see me. I was so disappointed and felt hurt. Mind you, quality time is not one of her top love languages. So to her, 3 weeks is no big deal but for someone whose love language is quality time....that can feel like 3 whole months! To her, it may have been just another cookout since we have them often, but to me it was a time to be refreshed with family and friends. I quickly internalized this to mean that my friend didn't love me, which obviously I knew wasn't true, but in the moment that's how it felt. 

Quality time with some friends!

I eventually had to take a step back from my emotions and really look at the big picture. Once I did this and asked myself, "well Beth, why are you actually disappointed and hurt?", I realized that she did not do anything wrong. She did not dissapoint me or her hurt me. My expectations dissapointed me and hurt me. I was measuring my friends love for me based on my uncommunicated expecations of her. How unfair is that? But how often do we do this in our friendships, relationships and marriages? And we walk around hurting and feeling unloved. This is why it is important to know the people in your life...family, friends, spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends. 

Now, it is not bad to have certain expecations for the people in our lives. I am not suggesting we let others just treat us any old kinda way, but it is important that our expecations are realistic. We could save ourselves a lot of unnessary heart ache simply by making sure our expectations aren't unrealistic. Like I said in my previous blog, unfailing love, the people in our lives will not and cannot  love us perfectly. God has designed us for love, but only His love is unfailing. Only His love is perfect.

1 John 4:18

"Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. 

If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this 

shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.

Love languages!

If you are up for the challenge, join me in taking inventory of the expectations you have placed on the people in your life. Get to really know the people in your circle. Take the love language test with your boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, friend group, family, whomever. (The link is all the way at the top!) Share your results and be open and honest in your communication. Assess where you may need to lower some expectations!

Xoxo,

Beth